One of the things that I’ve been musing about lately is “to write or not to write”. I am very new to this world of blogging. When I first discovered it, I was so overwhelmed by the like minded people I met here, I felt a need to simply be present.
I didn’t have a clear direction on what I wanted my blog to be and what I wanted to write about. I have always written about my musings now and then but they are very personal. I was not sure if I would be so comfortable to open myself up and be naked. I have always been a private person. Although I love and admire people who can make a lot of friends and socialize anywhere they go, I haven’t quite been able to be that person. I have limited friends but the ones I have are very dear to me and are friends since a long time. I must confess that I’ve been safe in my space here, I haven’t taken a chance and I haven’t pushed myself to really be out there. I am an optimist and I’d like to make things work but that also leads to ignoring and not dealing with the negatives that exists in life. I am fearful of the “inevitables”(if it makes any sense). What I mean here is, I’d be happy to blog about the good things in life but for me to blog about the bad/sad things, it takes courage. On the contrary I do not usually write about the good feelings(lets say in my diary) but rather they are the sad contemplations of life. May be its the fear of exposing my vulnerabilities or my fear of dealing with circumstances or the eastern way of socializing.
Life is very uncertain and I say this with experience and I know how true it is. This uncertainty about life scares me. During good times I tend to think about how life is in constant motion and “good follows bad and bad follows good” cycle and during tough times I tend to worry about how tougher things might get.
I believe in honest writing, if I’m not honest I’d rather not write. I like it personal and I like it honest. So lately I’ve been struggling to find the right words to say here. I have been thinking should I write about the delicious food I prepared when I’m unwell and cannot enjoy the delicious food or should I write about the humdrum that has been going on with the upcoming wedding when I’ve not been able to enjoy it so much being far from the family and not feeling so healthy. Overall I’ve come to realize that I cannot be so open about my life sharing every detail.
I hope I will not be disappointing my readers, however few they are. I will surely continue to write in this space here but they will be less frequent. And another important thing for me to figure out is, how social I can be in this space and how much of personal details I can share. May be I can find a way to be social without being too personal :).
meromusings 