A and I have been together for almost 2 years and we’ve been married for about 5 months now. Its been a jolly ride since we’ve been together and I love my life with A. Almost all my friends in this blogo-sphere have a rocking relationship with their spouse or husband, which reminds me how lucky I am to have a rocking relationship like you all :).
Every couple is different and each relationship works in its unique way. Today I want to share what makes our relationship work.
- We try not to judge each other. There was a time when I thought that A was of a certain type :P. At that time I didn’t know him that well and was judging him based on the “circumstances”. But as I got to know him, I learnt how wrong it was to judge someone. Once I let this initial ice break, it has been a pleasure to discover him. He is not a perfect person and neither am I. We both know this and we’re perfectly ok with each other.
- We are friends first. On top of everything else we’re friends first. We enjoy each others company a lot. We are not the type of friends who are all praises about each other. He is my first and foremost critique. Well, it doesn’t feel good to be confronted for your not so good side but A confronts me anyway. At first, I may be upset or even argue but at the end I always come out a better person. We do not sugar coat each other on unnecessary things. If something needs to be said, we say it but we also explain why and make each other understand and often we end up smirking on what an a** we’ve been at a certain situation.
- We love and respect each others family. When you get married to a person, you marry the entire family, even the extended family. We make it a point never to small talk about our respective in laws. We both understand its a very sensitive area. I love my parents and so does he, we both know the importance of family and we never judge each others family about the petty little things. This way, I can talk about my own insecurities regarding my parents with him and vice-versa knowing that we’re just human after all. And this applies not only to our families but to our friends too.
- We adapt. At first when I met A, he didn’t know anything at all about cooking. When I mentioned the word cooking at home, he used to get irritated for having to spend his evening doing something as silly as cooking when you could easily order anything from outside. But we’ve come a long way since then. A not only helps me to cook but he has started to enjoy cooking now. On the other hand, I was very introverted and shy about sports. I didn’t know how to play any outdoor sports. But now, we play badminton every other evening and I enjoy it a lot.
- We have our freedom. If we go to a restaurant, we don’t hesitate to order the dish that only one of us likes. Although this freedom was not easy come, we both have learned to understand that we are two individuals. It may sound silly to put this point here but for us its definitely worth a mention. At the beginning when we were dating, I used to be annoyed when A didn’t eat the food I ordered for him or didn’t say “I’ll have whatever you order(for me)”. He always said,”Ok lets order that but I’ll have this one today”. I had seen all my friends and their spouses having no problem at all when their wives/girlfriends ordered food for them. But A is not like that. He has always known what he wants and this goes for what he wants to eat as well.
- We compromise. Yes we do compromise. One example is the kind of movies we want to watch. A is fond of action thriller, horror and detective movies. I am fond of drama, reality based and romantic movies. I get tired of watching all the violence on screen but I watch it anyway. A feels sleepy during the drama movies but he watches it anyway. Apart from this, we compromise on many more things without remorse and this is what makes our relationship stronger.
And the list is longer but these are the basics that make our relationship work. However there are things that we’re still learning about each other and we are still on the phase of discovering each other. A relationship brings discipline in life, it teaches us to live above ourselves and think of another being first. I feel blessed to have A in my life. It all makes sense, he is a perfect match for me. The other day we had a little dispute with our friend. All of us were saying a thing or two but he was silent. When I asked him why, he talked about Gautam Buddha’s teachings by saying, “We all could win by arguing but before we argue we have to be able to differentiate if the argument is worthy of what comes after it”. He went on to say, I am not against putting our points forward in an argument and we could be telling the truth but what we have to learn is to rise above and think is it really worth it? Will it really make things better? If it does, I would be the first one to voice out but if it doesn’t whats the point? I could not refute him and I was glad about it.
Above all, we both have learned to be a better human being from each other and this is what makes our bond even stronger.