Have you ever wondered how many times we fret over our circumstances? I do many times. Sometimes I wish I had chosen some other line of work, and sometimes I wish I could turn back time to undo some of the things I’ve done. These are vague philosophical examples that has effected my life in a big way. But there are plenty of petty things that I wish I could’ve done or undone, like the title of one of the Sex and the City episodes “could’ve, should’ve and would’ve” where the girls talk about things they could’ve, should’ve and would’ve done. We all wonder about these three verbs in our lives. But do we really work towards what we want in life? May be we don’t, because if we really wanted to do something nothing would have stopped us. I will talk about few examples of me and my friends where we have really wanted something and got it.
When I was working in C city, I was never really satisfied with the job I had. It was the first time I left home and lived in a foreign city. The first few months were blissful. I enjoyed the independence. But as time passed, I realized that this is not what I want in life. I missed home terribly and I cried myself to sleep on many occasions. When I look back, I feel like I was such a kid!! I will mention one particular silly occasion here. One day me and my room mate P (who later on became my best friend and today she is like family) were returning to our apartment from work. We were hungry and talking about what to eat. Since we were so unorganized at that time, having no idea how to live without family support, we didn’t even know basic skills like managing budget for the month, managing groceries, making dinner plans (since at home, dinner was always ready, we didn’t even care how :P, we were such dumbos back then!!) to name a few. So on that particular day, when we got to our apartment we thought we’d make some sweet milk tea and have some biscuits with it. But we didn’t have a refrigerator, so we went to a shop near by to buy some milk and biscuits. Since it was already evening, there was no milk in the shop(in Nepal and most of South Asia, milk normally sells only in the morning), so we just bought some biscuits and came back. P then made some sweet black tea for both of us and we dipped our biscuits in tea and ate it. I was so saddened by the realization that when you’re hungry, you need to earn your food in order to eat it, I cried bitterly that day. I was very sad but thankful to my parents who took care of us their whole life and we didn’t even know how!!
The whole idea of giving above example is, I was not happy living in C city. For about 10 months I kept procrastinating my return, sometimes I said what will my parents think, will they think of me as a loser who couldn’t handle living abroad? I had doubts like where will I work when I get back to K city? But a stable salary, great love life and fabulous girlfriends couldn’t make me stay back at C city for long. I went back home for the Dashain of same year, my reason was “There is no way I’m gonna miss dashain at home and I will never get a 15 day leave to come back!!”. So just like that I left my life in C city behind and went back home, to K city.
Now there is another side of the story too. P (my best friend and room mate at C city) and I interviewed the same day and got selected for the job. She had always wanted to live outside of K city, earning her own living. When she got the job, she was thrilled to go to C city. Since her exams were not over by our joining date as mentioned in the offer letter, she postponed her joining date to a month later. I remember asking her to re-consider her decision to come to C city as the job was not as good as we expected and the city wasn’t great either. But she decided to come anyway. She even convinced her parents that she would be able to live by herself in a foreign city despite of being so heavily dependent on her family. So on new years’ eve, she showed up in C city. When we really want to do something, we just do it!!
Lastly, I want to mention what inspired me to write this post. I was browsing Facebook and going through recently uploaded pictures of my school friend. She had shaved her head and she was wearing a saree, the picture was taken at her friends’ wedding. There were many comments on her bold look, some congratulated for her guts, some complemented her for carrying it off so well and some even commented mentioning shock and asking her why she had made such a decision. I knew she went bald because she felt it was a spiritual calling. She had practiced “Bipashana Meditation” and was inspired by a fellow follower to go bald. I was just browsing through her replies and on one of those I read her comment “If you really want to do something nothing will stop you”. This made me think, gosh…she is so right, when we really want to do something, nothing will stop us. So think about it, if you are having second thoughts about doing something or making some decisions in your life, may be you don’t really want it in the first place!!